Dented Rasors

I'm straight edge. It's what people tell me when they offer me a drink at a party and I tell them I don't drink. I also don't do drugs. I don't really see the point. It costs money, drugs are illegal, they tend to be bad for your health in indirect and direct ways (Indirect: you're drunk and you fall off a bridge ; Direct: Your liver is calling it quits) and they don't really solve anything. Sure, they offer momentary release but so what?

During the summer I bike. I'm always biking. I'm bored I bike. I have to go to work, I bike, I have to go to class 20km away I bike. It's one of my releases. I listen to music and I just go. I have a Giant TCR 2 equipped with shimano 105 groupset and Mavic Ksyrium wheels with flat zycral spokes. I work as a bike mechanic/salesman during the summer and I got it at cost price so why not. And it was a pretty sizable upgrade from my single speed (fixie that can coast) Giant Bowery. Before that I had a Giant Boulder SE. I went from 15kph (9 Mph) on the boulder to 25kph (15Mph) on the single speed to 40kph (25Mph) on my full carbon TCR. And that's cruising speed, I can and have gone past 50kph (32 Mph) on a flat surface with my tcr. I zip between cars on sherbrooke and St-catherine streets without thinking twice. I'm rarely afraid. It's one of the few times in my life where I don't think too much, I just do.

But then I get home and I can't do the simplest thing. I can't go to bed. I'm tired, I have to get up early. But I can't hop in my bed and sleep. I'm afraid. I can't control what'll happen when I sleep. Hell, I can't even see it coming. That's one of the things that scares me. Sleep.

The 2 Big L's

I don't really get why I am here.

I mean, what's the purpose? What am I going to change here, what difference will I have made when I've left?

These days I have a pretty insignificant footprint... I've truly helped maybe one or two people in my short life. I've cooked food for countless amounts of people in the last few months, fixed a whole lot of stuff for friends, family, strangers in need of help. Do these people remember it? Or does that even matter? I did feel good doing it tough. But all that would have been done by someone else if not me.

Maybe that's why we're here, to help others.

After that we just spend our time looking for the one person we like helping the most and then we spend the rest of our life taking care of that one person. That might just be what love is...

Got dam, I think I just solved the meaning of life 'cause I couldn't sleep. #FuckInsomnia